Dating as a Fat Girl

Okay, before we begin. Let me say that I use the word “fat” as a word of empowerment, not a self derogatory phrase. I am not looking for sympathy, or for people to tell me “No, you’re not fat.”

So now that we have that nastiness out of the way, let’s dive in. A few weeks ago I uploaded a post, stating that I was no longer dating online. But, because your girl has no self control, Tinder has been back on my phone.

I have noticed that certain tendencies and thought patterns are pretty exclusive to fat girls, so I am going to share them with you today.

People seem to think that the “fat shaming” culture is gone. They would be wrong. Of course, back when I was in school, it was far worse. But it still exists, trust me with this one.

I remember once I saw a meme, I think it is pretty famous “If she asks how tall I am, I will ask her how much she weighs.” And I just remember this hitting me so hard. It was as if, because I was big, I wasn’t allowed to have preferences. And I find this idea is repeated a lot, that a big girl should “go for what she can get”, which I think is such a toxic way of thinking.

Ever since I was a child, there have always been the boys who are at my level, and then the pretty boys. The boys, now men, who are meant for skinny, pretty women. So, as I am swiping, I of course swipe left on people I do not find attractive. But I also swipe left on people I find too attractive, because they just aren’t for me.

And let’s say that once I actually muster up the courage to like someone who I think is incredibly attractive, if we match, I feel like it was probably a mistake, or his friend was playing on his phone. Or worst still, that he is probably a catfish.
This kind of thought is so negative, and it all comes from one point in my childhood. I remember, a boy I thought was really cute, in the year above, was sat with his friends and he asked me if I wanted to go out. Now, my heart stopped. I didn’t know what to do with myself, so of course, I tried to stay as cool as possible and say “Oh yeah, sure.” and then, suddenly, all of his friends burst out in hysterics, because the thought of actually wanting to date me was so hilarious.

So now, when I talk to guys, it is often not men I find massively attractive, but it is actually guys who I know don’t see me as a joke. And I think because I don’t feel that basic attraction, the conversations fizzle away.

And I know it is all about confidence. On the outside, I present myself as very confident and self assured. But on the inside, I am terrified that if I start dating someone who I truly find attractive, then they will leave me for someone skinnier and prettier.

This could be called “Dating as a Fat Girl - Part 1” Because there is a whole other element to all of this, which is the guys who fetishise you and only like you because you are big. And I’ll be back to talk about that next week.

Let me know if you related to any of this.
Until next time,
Stay peachy,
Paige x

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