Staying True to Yourself whilst Dating

So, it has been a hot minute since I have spoken about dating. To give you a brief overview of how my dating life has been, I have been messaging people, but not really getting anywhere.

Every time that I redownload dating apps, I feel a little ashamed of myself. Almost as if I’m saying to myself “this again?” Because, I know myself and I know that online dating doesn't work for me. But your girl gets bored and well, that is when Tinder shows up on my phone.

I am proud to say that I have been living pretty authentically lately. I listen to the music I like, I dress the way I want to dress. I look like a 1940s radio presenter called Betty and I am pretty content. Apart from in my dating life.

The realisation came to me in the strangest of places. I write fiction, and I think almost every author writes scenarios that they see as romantic and aspirational - to some extent. There is such a contrast from the way that the couples in my stories meet, to the way that I am dating. A guy in my stories has never started off with “you’re thicc”.

And although I know that I will never have the romance that I write about, because fiction by definition is unobtainable, I found the idea of my future partner’s first words being “nice ass” rather sad. It just isn’t for me. But I found myself thinking that maybe it could be for me, that this was the only way to meet people nowadays.

I was faced with an issue. I was changing myself to fit in with what I perceived to be normal, even if it meant going against what I want and believe in.

So, I went within myself and I found Betty, the 1940s radio presenter and I wondered how she would have met someone. She probably would have gone to the pub, met people at parties, seen people at work. Why couldn’t I do that?

I think I felt shame from being a little old fashioned. When you have guys messaging you, calling you out for not wanting to hook up, you begin to think that there is something wrong with the way that you view the world, and how you want to date.

But you know what? There is nothing wrong with wanting to take things a little slower. And I realise now that anytime that I have moved quickly was just a desperate attempt to try and find some connection. But all of those times, I was forgetting who I really was, I was forgetting the Betty side of me.

But now, I am fully embracing Betty. She wouldn’t have used Tinder, or accepted a guy sending her an aubergine emoji. She got out into the world and mixed, and that is what I intend to do.

No more changing to fit in with what guys expect or want of me. No more of forgetting who I am just to make others happy. I want to take things slow, and I want to meet someone in real life, like my grandparents and great grandparents would have, how Betty would have.

This is in no way me disrespecting today’s culture. If your true self likes to swipe and chat before meeting, then swipe away! If you like to talk on the phone for hours before going for a date, then pick up that phone. But I think we should all start looking for that person within us, our “Betty” if you will, and ask how they would date. Because I believe if we let our true selves shine through and inspire us then we will begin living a far more fulfilled life.

Let me know who your true self is and how you like to date!

Until next time,
Stay peachy,
Paige x

No comments