Working my way back to me

Yes - that was a cheesy Frankie Valli reference! But this is an important topic, so let’s go ahead.

Recently, as in almost the whole second year of university, I haven’t felt myself. I’ve had moments of authenticity, but overall I have felt, for lack of a better phrase, like another person.

And it is not as if I have changed, because change is the kind of phenomenon that creeps up on you, slowly. This seemed as if I had flipped a switch and I wasn’t Paige anymore.

Recently I’ve missed weeks from this blog, I’ve not been uploading on my youtube channel, and I haven’t been writing my fanfiction. It all seemed so cataclysmic, like everything I knew about myself just wasn’t there anymore.

I had been influenced by others, let my stress take over and let my life control me, rather than the other way round.

But, slowly, bit by bit, I have been working back to my authentic self. Reminding myself what my priorities are and what I really want in life.

I adore education, always have loved learning. But part of me said, I can’t do my MA, I need to be out in the world of work, the one that terrifies me. But then I thought, Why? Why can’t I do my MA, why can’t I even go on to do my PhD?

I changed from the creative project I chose to do in third year of uni, to a dissertation and although I have taken on far more work through it, I know that I shall enjoy it more and it will lead onto better things for me.

I also, as of late, was on a dating ban. I was going to wait until someone came to me. No dating apps, no nothing. Organic was the way. But, that got very boring, so I am putting myself back out there, but keeping my intentions of dating (really dating, not the casual sex and see where it goes version) very clear.

And finally, any lovers of my fanfiction, please don’t worry, there is more coming! I even have a brand new Hairspray story! And even past that, I am working on my own fiction, with my own characters, that I know that you guys are going to love!

For anyone who is also feeling this way, it doesn’t last forever. It is not overnight, but I feel like each day I am getting back to who I truly am, and have learnt what I truly want from that feeling that plagued me these past months.

Let me know if you have ever felt like this, and how you got out of it!

Until next time,
Stay peachy
Paige xx

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