Let's talk about Grief

I fully understand that this is a topic that no one likes to speak about. But I have been dealing with grief for the last 6 months pretty intensely and I think it is about time that I speak about it. I have no tips, as I am not sure anyone can have any helpful tips for this process. So this is just a documentation of how I feel, in this moment.

I lost my Grandmother last year and I recently lost my Great Grandmother. With losing two people so closely, it forces one to think an awful lot about grief and the pain of missing someone once their gone.

And although I have felt this, the feeling of not truly knowing them in their life is what haunts me most. I made excuses to miss meetings, I tried to leave before I should have, I tuned out of too many stories, I didn’t ask enough questions.

I have learnt so much since they have passed. Things that I wish I could have learnt whilst they were alive.

I think another sensation that I have felt deeply is the denial of the death, thinking that they will come back, that I will be able to see them again. I am not sure if this is because I am young and have lost relatively few people. But, I still think that one day, I will be able to see them again, to tell them what I’ve been doing, to make them proud. But, then there is a crushing realisation that that isn’t going to happen and there is the sinking feeling that they are truly gone.

I think also there is a little resentment of my own generation. Although tainted, there is something about my Grandmother and Great Grandmother’s generation that is to be truly admired. Looking around me, seeing many with their faces pressed into their phones, seeing the amount of divorces and the lack of actual communication, despite having more ways to communicate, it is a somber thought that the last of the WWII generation are passing, leaving that generation just a memory.

I understand that I am viewing this through rose tinted glasses, but I do believe that certain values are to be respected and admired, as well as the fashion, of course.

But, it is not just me. The pain of seeing the grief of those around me is the most painful part. Seeing my Father lose his Mother, my Mum lose her Gran, it is so painful to know they are hurting, and most of all, knowing there is nothing you can do about it.

So, there is a short snippet of how I am feeling at the moment, surrounding my grief. I am in a pretty content state in life, but losing people is never easy and in those times, when you are alone in contemplation, this is how I feel.

Thank you for letting me vent a little this week. I really needed it.

Until next time,
Stay peachy,
Paige xx

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