The Hopeless Romantic's Cycle of Casual Sex

It seems, nowadays, that casual sex is key to the youth experience. It is easy, fun and hassle-free. But is it?

I haven’t experienced much of this millennial favourite. But in the sampling I have had, it is not all free spirit and orgasms. For me - and many other hopeless romantics, I’m sure - casual sex is not as easy as everyone makes out. It is centered around what I like to call: The Hopeless Romantic’s Cycle of Casual Sex.

This is a disclaimer. I am not suggesting that having casual sex is wrong, if you enjoy it, more power to you.

It all starts with one person. Maybe you meet on a dating app, maybe you meet face to face. They tell you they don’t want a relationship. If you’re like me, you pretend that you don’t want one either to sound more relatable.

Your friends encourage you, they want what is best for you and we hear about it from Doctors all the time having sex can save your life. You feel confident. They find you attractive, you find them attractive, what could be the problem?

You invite them over. Anticipation oozes from every pore in your body. You tidy your room, you shave every inch of your body and you pat yourself on the back for allowing yourself to have some uninvolved, selfish fun.

They arrive, you are nervous. They are either as attractive as you thought they were going to be, or they aren’t. But still, you are excited. It is all so new.

The sex happens and they go. Part of you is relieved that they didn’t sleep over, part of you wished that they had wanted to. And then the euphoria kicks in.

You wonder why your friends hadn’t recommended it sooner. You invite them over again and you have a great time and you think: maybe this time it will work. Maybe I can really do the no strings attached thing.

You feel powerful. They ask if they can come over and you realise that you have sex on demand, when you want it. You want to scream it from the rooftops, to tell everyone how much of an empowered, forward thinking woman you are.

You start talking to other guys, because if you can do it with one guy, then why not two or three? You get cocky, feeling like you can really be detached and uncaring.

And then you crash…

You sit on your own and you realise that this isn’t for you. You’ve wasted your time. You should be working towards something real and instead you’re investing time in something you know is not for you.

The shame kicks in. You feel dirty. You wonder how anyone will ever find you attractive after what you’ve done. You blow it out of proportion. You delete all of the numbers of potential partners off of your phone, you send an overly dramatic text to the person you were sleeping with, to which you get an unsatisfactory response.

And then you feel bitter. You wonder why none of the people you like want a relationship, why no one wants to date any more. You feel alone. Your friends can do it, they enjoy doing it, so why can’t you?

You pick yourself up, resolving that casual sex is just not for you. You’ll wait for someone that wants all of you: your mind, body and soul. You feel at peace and promise to put it all behind you.

From then, things can go two ways. Either you find someone who wants to date, or you stay single and live with the inevitability that in a few months this whole cycle will start up again.

Let me know if you feel this way about casual sex, or if you don’t.

Until next time,

Stay Peachy

Paige x

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